I have mod rewrite installed, and in fact I tested it with a .htaccess with this code:
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RewriteEngine on
# Use PHP5.4 as default
AddHandler application/x-httpd-php54 .php
RewriteCond %{HTTP_HOST} ^awesomelygeek.com$
RewriteRule ^test$ "http\:\/\/www\.awesomelygeek\.com\/" [R=301,L]
I tested the .htaccess file a bit and confirmed that it's the rewrites that are causing the site to fail to load. If I remove the line:
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RewriteRule ^([^?]*) index.php?_route_=$1 [L,QSA]
My old 1.4.9 install on the same host the SEO URLs worked fine. Any suggestions on what is tripping things up?